The Most Important Thing I've Learned from Teaching

Monday, June 29, 2015


After five years teaching in low-income schools, I’m moving on next year to a small public charter school. I thought I would feel more sad or disappointed in myself about leaving, but I’m not. I feel good.  I know that deciding to stay in an environment that I knew was draining me would have been neither brave nor heroic but damaging. 

Anyway, I’ve been in a very reflective mood lately, as I often do at the closing chapter of something important in my life—my senior year of college, the final months of the school year, the last bite of a particularly awesome cookie (“Man, the ratio of batter to chocolate chips was really powerful and evocative.”) I talked about many of the changes I’ve undergone in a previous post, but I left out what I think the most important lesson is that I’ve learned so far in the classroom. And after receiving many emails lately from teachers across the country on this topic, I knew it was time to write about it.

***

If you’d asked me at any pre-teaching time in my life whether I hated anyone, I would have assured you that I don’t. However, in that same breath I could have listed off about fifteen people that I thought were total jerks and that I would never want to spend more than five minutes with, maybe ever.

Then, when I started teaching, I met The Jerk To End All Jerks. 

He was the assistant principal at my former school and my appraiser. I realized early into the school year that he didn't particularly care for me, and thought I could win him over with kindness, but that was not the case. He would often roll his eyes at me, conduct his observations of my classes the day before a major holiday break, respond to my honest questions or concerns by laughing derisively or trivializing them. I watched him in the hallway go out of his way to bump up against a student who had anger issues, who then blew up at him and was suspended. When I told my assistant principal what I’d seen, he made it clear that if I reported him, my evaluations would suffer. He once responded to a question I asked by leaning back in his chair and mumbling, “Every year I keep asking myself why I’ve gotten myself into a profession with so many women.”

I hated him. And by “I hated him” I mean I hated him. Just seeing him in the hallway or reading his name in my email inbox was enough to get my blood simmering, and I rarely left a meeting with him without crying from frustration or screaming at traffic on the way home. When I finally left that school, I left with a searing bitterness in my heart towards him, one that I held onto long into the next school year.

Luckily for my sanity, at the same time that my hatred was growing and multiplying for my assistant principal, my teaching life was getting easier. I was beginning to get the hang of classroom management, which is largely a result of being willing to put aside a lot of my personal preferences and background and instead focus on my students—who they are and what their needs are. I began to understand that my “worst” students were ones who had had the worst things happen to them. They’d lost parents or siblings. They’d lived through an ugly divorce. They’d been bullied or abused or neglected, or maybe they’d come from a supportive and stable environment but had somehow received the message over and over again from somewhere that they were unimportant, slow, or not enough.

And one day—I can’t remember where I was or what I was doing--I realized the same must have been true for my assistant principal. The true personhood of my assistant principal was not the man I was seeing. He couldn’t have learned that it’s okay to treat people as inferior beings unless someone had modeled it for him. He couldn’t have learned that threats, manipulation, and power moves are appropriate ways of dealing with people unless he himself had been threatened, manipulated, or made to feel powerless.  I pictured him as an 8th grader in my class, coming to school lugging many of the same issues my students do, and for the first time, I felt compasssion for him. For some reason, I had understood that there was a reason for many of my students to have bad attitudes or a temper, but I’d had no such grace for my assistant principal. 

Does this excuse the actions of my assistant principal? No. Does it mean I should have accepted his treatment of me with a “Thank you sir, may I have another?” approach? No. But if I had approached my assistant principal the way I approach my tough students—with patience, grace, and a persistent kindness, the go-out-of-your-way type of kindness—I think I could have had a very different experience at that school, and maybe my assistant principal could have, too. 

Over time, I realized that the truth about my assistant principal was the truth about all the jerks I’ve known in my life—acquaintances, bosses, strangers. This truth is that nobody is intrinsically a jerk. This sounds obvious, and is something I thought I believed before teaching, but I didn't. Not really. I’ve been told and have believed for as long as I can remember that I’m a good person, and instead of using that to seek out the goodness in others, I’ve used that to draw a line in the sand. Good people like me-- who think like me—on this side. Everyone else on the other. I’d said that I loved others, but what I meant was that I loved others once they met my prerequisites.

This is not the way to teach.

This is not the way to live.

I haven’t come anywhere close to mastering the way to teach or live, but I’m working on it. Some of my students still get under my skin, and I’m constantly tempted by many adults to push them onto the “other” side of the sand, or to take the easy way out and pretend that the fronts they’re putting up are their real selves. But while I’m no expert on loving yet, teaching has made me look at these people in a new way. Not as pathetic or inferior, but as human and hurting. Just like I am. 

And I hope to get better at it, no matter where I teach. I think if all of us can look at each other the same way we (hopefully) look at our students--that everyone can be redeemed--maybe we would start to see a different world unfold before us.

Join me?

Love,

Teach

Summer To-Do List 2015! And some updates, y'all

Friday, June 12, 2015




Well, hello there! It’s been a while, but let me catch you up to speed on Things That Have Happened:

1) I got a letter back from Obama and several letters readers have forwarded me from their senators/congressmen about my post onteaching in a Title I school. Yes, party poopers, I know that most likely the letters are not penned by the actual president or congresspeople, but it was good to feel heard. I also sent the article to my governor and wrote to him as myself (not as Love, Teach).  Haven’t heard back yet, but I feel good feelings about that letter. If I don’t hear back from him or get a super vague response (“Thanks for your letter, schools are important, I like schools, here’s all these things I’ve done that kinda look like helping schools”) I’ll just send a pizza to his office with a note that says, “Sir, I’d like a ‘pizza’ your time. Email me at loveteachblog.com to set up a meeting.” That’s friendly and attention-getting and disarmingly weird enough, right?

2) I signed my contract to teach 6th ELA at a small, non-Title I public school next year! I feel really good about my decision. I reached a point where I knew that if I didn’t take better care of myself, I would be useless in any classroom.  I know the transition—like any transition—won’t be seamless, but I’m looking forward to a new challenge. I’m not ready to leave the classroom just yet J

3) I’ve written two Buzzfeed articles! Check out my Teacher Edition of “Would You Rather," and my post on how life-changingsummer is for teachers. What fun! Also, I don't work for Buzzfeed. 

4) I AM ALMOST DONE WITH GRAD SCHOOL. One more semester! I’m getting my Master’s in Writing, and while I love my program, it’s really, really hard being a full-time student and a full-time teacher. I’m ready to have my nights and weekends back.

Okay, now that we’re caught up, IT’S SUMMER! And you know what that means….

My Summer 2015 To-Do List

One of my favorite things to do every summer is make a list of all the great things I'm going to do. It makes me feel accomplished in a fun way, and it also prevents me from doing nothing all summer besides Netflix and eating Chocolate Lucky Charms. Here's this year's list!

1) READ. 

I read for grad school until my eyeballs are ready to fall out, but now I can catch up on books for fun! On my list this summer are:

1) The Goldfinch (just finished!) by Donna Tartt
2) The Magicians by Lev Grossman
3) Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandell
4) The Secret History by Donna Tartt
5) Counting by 7s by Holly Goldberg Sloan
6) Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell
7) The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo

Read them with me! I’ll do a follow-up in August of what I thought—I’d love to hear from you! It’ll be like a book club, except we’ll have to eat our book club snacks in separate places. And we don’t have to invite that annoying lady.

2) Take a barre class!

Though I enjoy being a teacher, I’ve always had the nagging feeling that I missed my real calling in life, which is to be a ballerina. Though I probably look as close to a ballerina as my cat, Hugo, looks like a pterodactyl, and though I’ve never taken a ballet class in my life, I’ve always had this obsession with the ballet world. I watch ballet documentaries. I go to the ballet in my city. I once spent a summer hanging out a coffee shop way too far away from my neighborhood because I read in a program at a ballet that an absolutely beautiful male ballet dancer went there often. (I never saw him. LIES!)

I think a barre class would help me reconcile my actual life and my dream life, don’t you? Yes, me too.

Moving on.

3) Make an awesome meal and invite neighbors!

My neighbors are terrific humans. One is a teacher and is wickedly funny, the other is an older gentleman who feeds the feral cats in our complex. I see my family and friends a lot, but I don’t see my neighbor friends all in one place a lot, so I would like to bribe them into hanging out with me via food. And not an easy meal or something that I make all the time, but special food. Food-food.

Right now I’m thinking roast chicken, whiskey-glazed carrots, homemade biscuits, tomato salad, and either blackberry cobbler or lemon bars. OR MAYBE BOTH BECAUSE IT’S SUMMER, and summer is for treating yourself, am I right?

4) Go to the art museum!

I just finished reading The Goldfinch, so now I want to go look at all the art ever.

5) Take a picture of Hugo in a bow tie

Because it’s the right thing to do. Look at him. Doesn't his face just scream, "I WON'T BE HAPPY UNTIL I HAVE A BOWTIE ON"?



6) Think about structure/format of a book I could write

Notice how vague I am when goal-setting. I like to stay un-quantifiable. Write a book? Nope. Start writing a book? Nope. Think about starting to write a book? Sure!

(If you have a good idea for a book I can write about teaching, be a doll and let me know so I can cross this one off my to-do list. )

Not sure how many posts I’ll have for you over the summer on here, but stay tuned on Facebook and Twitter for updates and for our book club meeting in August!

Unrelated: I am writing this on my stomach on the floor of my apartment and Hugo just hopped on my back, curled up, and fell asleep. A gift, this kitten is.

What's on your summer to-do list?

Lovey love,


Teach

My First Year vs. My Fifth Year

Sunday, May 31, 2015




I’ve been teaching for five years now. Five! This is pretty impressive for someone who almost drowned in a sea of her own tears her first year. I remember one Sunday around October of Year One, I was so despondent and full of agony that my roommate just sat there while I talked, staring at me like this:



But I’ve made it! Way fewer people stare at me like that now.

In many ways, I can’t believe it’s been five years. So much of this teaching gig feels so new, and I still find myself making rookie mistakes. But then in other ways, when I think about the teacher I was my first year, the difference is so stark that I wonder if she was actually a different person and I’ve simply been body-snatched.

This is what I mean.



My First Year
My Fifth Year

I can’t believe that teacher down the hall yells at students to stop running. That’s so mean! It’s just running… they’re kids!

I WILL DESTROY ALL RUNNING SIXTH GRADERS.

“You forgot your homework again? That’s okay. Whenever you can bring it is fine!”

“You forgot your homework again? That’s okay. You shall complete it during lunch with me while I eat tuna and blast my Alanis Morisette Pandora station.”

I’m going to make 95 cupcakes for every month to celebrate students’ birthdays!

I’m going to use running high-fives to celebrate students’ birthdays!

I can't believe the principal is making us use this reading strategy he created. There's no data behind it, he created it by himself, and his only teaching experience was twenty years ago as a math teacher! Oh, well. Time to redo this month's lesson plans to fit it in and abandon my more effective, research-based strategy.


I will put up the reading strategy poster in my room and when an administrator comes in my room I will point to it and say "Make sure you use this strategy, kiddies!" And that is all.


I'm going to buy ALL THE DECORATIONS EVER!


I’m going to laminate the heck out of every poster I own so I will never buy decorations again!

Storage? Not a priority.

Um, excuse me, Target employee. Where are your giant plastic Rubbermaid tubs? Good. I will be needing ALL OF THEM.

Teaching will be just like Freedom Writers or Dead Poets Society!

Teaching is a mix of Cast Away, Children of the Corn, Mary Poppins, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Star Wars, The Sound of Music, Mr. Holland's Opus, Whiplash, Harry Potter, and Snakes on a Plane.

Teaching supply stores are the best!


Teaching supply stores make my paycheck disappear!


50% of my students failed this assignment? These kids are so low!


50% of my students failed this assignment? Man, was I on bath salts when I taught this? What can I do differently when I reteach? And can it involve Oreos?


Look how clean my car is!

Look at:
-The layer of coffee sludge that has made the cupholder in my console its home
-The 18 Tupperware containers littering my back seat
-The random school stuff that has been in the truck for months that I’m hoping I will one day have the motivation to actually take it out, but, realistically, know that I won’t

I can't believe that news story about the teacher who was sneaking vodka in his Big Gulp cup at school!


I can definitely believe that news story about the teacher who was sneaking vodka in his Big Gulp cup at school.*


“Oh, I don’t need any construction, paper, thanks. I don’t think we’ll be using it anytime soon.”

“Sure, I’ll take that construction paper. Not sure when I’m going to use it, but let me place it in my Hoarding Closet.”

OH NO A SCARY PARENT MEETING INITIATE SWEAT MODE DYING DEATH HUMAN MALFUNCTION ERROR CANNOT COMPUTE

Scary parent? Bring it. Yawn.

Grades are due? NOOOO I CAN’T DO THIS!!!

Oh, grades are due? Oops. I’ll be needing six hours, a gallon of iced coffee, and two scheduled Netflix breaks.

This is really, really, really, really hard.


This is really, really hard.
But also really, really great.


I will change these children's lives! I will be the superhero!


This is not about me. I'm here not to be recognized, but to stand beside other people as they figure out what is recognizable about them and how to use that for good.


I only need one stapler in my room at all times.

I need eight staplers in my room at all times.

I CAN’T WAIT FOR SUMMER.

I am going to really miss these kids! But also, I CAN’T WAIT FOR SUMMER.

I’m going to wear the cutest teacher clothes ever!

Oh, orthopedic shoes. Mama loves you.

I’m going to use a whole sheet of paper to print a 5-question quiz and make 88 copies.

I’m going to fit EIGHT five-question quizzes on one piece of paper and only have to print eleven! And then I get to use the GUILLOTINE!

Oh, I mean paper cutter.


In general, I think the changes have been mostly positive. I’ve never been one to think that teachers must develop this tough exterior or succumb to being jaded and cranky (though I have felt those ways, to be sure). Teaching has made me stronger. Not in a stomp-around-“I’m-in-charge” kind of way, but in a quieter way.

I’ve also learned how to work smarter. I’ve built a hierarchy for my priorities that works for me, and I’ve learned to conserve my energy for what matters (teaching and caring for my kids) instead of spending it on things that don’t matter so much.

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be in the game, but it’s good to know I’m becoming a better player.

In the Game of Tomes.

(I couldn't resist.)


Love,

Teach


* "Can definitely believe" does not mean  "think highly of" or "am planning to emulate." Just clarifying for my mom.


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