What you've missed lately in room 247:
1) My substitute on Wednesday was hung over. I don't know this for sure since I wasn't there, but the following leads me to believe she'd had a fun night:
- My first period (yellow, clams) informed me upon my return that the substitute arrived late, announced to everyone several times that she didn't feel well, sat at my desk with her head down, then ran out of the room with my trash can and never came back.
- One of my most precious angels, Lawrence, informed me that the substitute "reeked of rotting fruit," which is the way I described the smell of beer several times as a child, though I probably said something closer to "That smells like the apples I leave under the car seat."
- It's not the first time a substitute has come to our school hungover. I wish I were kidding.
Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Herbal Tea. It's fast, effective, and doesn't interfere with my toothpaste because it's minty. Within minutes my arms and legs feel like they each weigh 300 pounds and that my brain is applesauce. The only drawback is that I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee from drinking so close to bedtime, but I have faith that technology is not far from providing me with an external catheter connected directly to my toilet.
3) I have The Hunger Games memorized.
I've been reading the Hunger Games out loud for about three hours a day.
Q: Why don't you let your students take the books home and read them for homework?
A: We would never get the books back.
Q: Why don't you let the students read the book out loud to practice fluency, tone, and pausing?
A: First, if I let them read, it would take us 15 weeks to finish the book. Second, I have the best reading voice. I'm willing to brag about it. Sometimes, depending on time, I will rotate readers evenly.
Q: Why don't you have them listen to the audiobook?
A: I got the audiobook as a part of a grant, and whoever narrates it is super old and unKatniss-like. I apologize if you are her close personal friend or family member. I'm sure she is a very nice person.
Q: Does it hurt your voice to read for so long?
A: By 7th period, I sound like James Earl Jones.
Since I also read The Hunger Games with my students last year (and because I've read the book two or three times on my own), I now have the entire book pretty much memorized. I can finish almost any line if it's started for me, and if you give me a random word from the book, I can come up with at least one excerpt that uses that word. Some friends of mine tested me at their house:
"Prim's face is fresh as a raindrop, as lovely as the primrose for which she was named."
"The bow and arrow is my weapon. But I've spent a fair amount of time throwing knives as well."
"'I know what blood poisoning is, Katniss,' says Peeta. 'Even if my mother isn't a healer.'"
"Yeah, you're a freak."
I'm adding "has the Hunger Games memorized" to my resume and to the massive tattoo on my bicep.
4) The cutest child in the world, a 6th grader, is doing our morning announcements. When she says the pledge, she says "eeny veesy bo" for "indivisible." It makes me clasp my hands under my chin every time.
5) Christopher's voice is getting deeper. I bet he thinks aliens are responsible for it.
Talk about the fact that I'm writing and posting this on a Saturday night and I'll poke you forcefully in the sternum.