Quarantine: 6 Teacher-Tested Home Remedies

Usually, my immune system is braggable.  In the past two years, I've been "sick" MAYBE twice, and neither of them lasted more than a couple of days. To get to this level of braggability, I had to spend almost the entire first year of teaching just cycling through all the middle school colds, bugs, infections, viruses, and strains of flu, one after the other.  But, like a lot of things that happen in the first year of teaching, it made me stronger (physically, in this case). Having made it to the other side, I usually feel confident enough to play "Spin the Bottle" in any given doctor's waiting room in America and be completely fine.*

But today I am sick.  I started feeling gross this weekend, then took the afternoon off to go to the doctor. Turns out I have strep and am to be quarantined for 48 hours!  I said, "Doctor, can I go back to school after 24 hours instead of 48 if my fever goes down?" and she said, "Do you tell your students they only have to do half of their homework?" Touche, doctor lady. Here are my go-to remedies I'll be using over the next 48 hours.  Some are from Pinterest, some are from witchdoctors, some are from my mind.  Feel free to use them yourself or pass them onto someone else who's not feeling well and likes reading things written by a crazy person under the additional influence of a fever.

1) This crazy-ass detox bath.

I don't use the hydrogen peroxide because I'm terrified it will burn off me fair Scottish sken, but I do use the ground ginger.  Instead of the hydrogen peroxide I use about 1-2 cups of Epsom salt and like half a cup of baking powder.  You'll sweat obscenely afterwards, but I like to think it's all the impurities/toxins/diseases running like hell out of my pores.  

2) Whole Foods' broccoli cheese soup.

This kind of soup in particular is probably not the kind of soup one should be eating while sick.  Don't care.  So delicious, and not overly cheesy like most broccoli cheeses are.  I can't find a picture of the real thing.

3) Cinnamon + honey

In college, the man who ran the convenience store on the first floor of our dorm was like a grandpa to everyone.  One day I was sick and shuffled over to the medicine area and started thumbing through cold relief meds.

"You sick, baby?" he asked.

"Yes," I said pathetically. 

"Sore throat?"

I nodded.

"Don't waste your money on this," he said. "Get you a teaspoon of local honey and a teaspoon of cinnamon.  Mix it together and eat it just like you would a spoonful of cereal.  Twice a day.  You'll be cured in 24 hours." 

It has cured my allergy-related illnesses 99% of the time.  (I don't think strep falls under that category, but I just wanted you to know about it.)  The best part is that it tastes nice!  

4) Eucalyptus oil on the bottom of your feet

Put like 4-6 drops on the soles of your feet and rub it in and put socks on.  It'll stop your coughing super fast and as a bonus you'll smell like a woodland fairy princess (or prince.) 

5) Any period piece film with a happy ending.  

These movies won't bring on coughing fits with excessive laughter or have nausea-inducing graphics (unless you count Mr. Bingley's sister from Pride and Prejudice). The music is soothing and there is plenty of pretty scenery to trick your body into thinking you're getting Vitamin D and fresh air.  My favorites: Sense and Sensibility, Emma, Pride and Prejudice (old and new), Jane Eyre (new only), and Shakespeare in Love if you're good at ignoring the historically inaccurate.

6) If you're blessed enough to have Bluebell available to you, this flavor:

If you're not, you can settle for this flavor:

Oh, and like, fluids and rest and stuff.

What do you do when you're sick?  

Love,

Teach

*Hoping that was the grossest comparison you've heard all day.  I feel pretty confident about it.