A Ghost Story

Sunday, September 25, 2016




If you’re just tuning in, DEVOLSON is an acronym I made up that stands for the Dark, Evil Vortex of Late September, October, and November. This three-ish month period is for me and thousands of other teachers I know the most difficult stretch of the school year. The amount of paperwork, adjustment, and readjustment involved ends up creating this giant tornado of exhaustion that sweeps through my life every fall, destroying everything in its path from my social life to my overall hygiene.

Neat, right?

Anyway. Enough of that metaphor and of talking about my hygiene. DEVOLSON begins tomorrow, and because DEVOLSON is terrifying, I thought it was only appropriate that I tell you a ghost story from my teaching past. This is from one of my very first years, so it’s extra spooky. Ready?



It was not a dark and stormy day in October.

It was unseasonably hot, and I’d had a particularly terrible day. I was exhausted, had blisters on my blisters (I had not yet learned the value of orthopedic shoes), and, as usual, none of my lessons were going the way they were supposed to. According to the district calendar I was supposed to be teaching coordinating conjunctions, which is difficult when you’d only realized only a few weeks earlier that most students couldn’t write a complete sentence.

One of the markers of a bad day for me during DEVOLSON was (and is) crying. I had kept it together throughout the day, but as soon as I got in my car to go home around sundown, I started whimpering.

But a few minutes later, when I pulled up to the traffic light just outside my school, I stopped crying and gasped. A tiny, snow-white Chihuahua was darting in between the tires of the twenty or so cars waiting all around me on the busy street.

“Oh, no,” I whined. “Baby, get out of the road!”

The dog was panting, looking in all directions as it skittered under cars. No collar. None of the other drivers around me appeared to notice it. The light would turn green any second.

I knew what I had to do. Maybe I could get the dog to jump in my car, take it back to my apartment, and then look up a no-kill shelter or foster program on the Internet when I got home.

I opened my driver door.

“Hey! Come here!” I shouted as nicely as I could.

The dog perked up its ears, turned toward me, flittered over to my door, and hopped onto the floorboard. Just then, the light turned green, so I shut my door.

“Hi, little buddy! How you doin’?” I said gently, admiring her sweet face as she peered up at me from just under my knees.

And then that dog promptly lost its mind.

If we were in some robot science fiction movie, this would be the scene where the sweet, tiny librarian rips off her face to reveal that she’s a bloodthirsty cyborg. The dog jumped (more like Exorcist-style flew) onto my passenger seat, bared her teeth, and began barking so ferociously I thought her head would fall off just from force alone.

For a few seconds I was in shock. Then the car behind me honked, which made both the dog and I jump about a foot in our respective seats.

I thought maybe the sudden noise would quiet her, but the dog soon picked up her verbal harassment, nearing closer to my elbow with her razor-sharp teeth that looked like they had been meticulously sharpened by her previous owner, Satan. I tried to reason with myself that the poor dog was just scared, but what if she had rabies? Or, more likely, was a zombie?

"It's okay, shhh," I tried soothing her, but she wasn't having it. She lunged at my wrist on the steering wheel, barely missing it. I said about seven bad words.

I was driving forward now, so me jumping out of the car was not an option. Instead I reached down, grabbed the floorboard mat, and draped it over my shoulder to form a barrier between me and this little dog made of nightmares. (I am very resourceful.)

I turned right at my first chance into a neighborhood and swerved into the closest driveway. A couple was standing on their lawn and, rightfully, looked surprised to find me pulling in so suddenly. I slammed my car into park, hopped out, and shut the door. Then I shrugged off the floor mat I had on my shoulder.

“There’s a dog in there,” I told the couple, motioning toward the car.

Then I realized the dog had its paws up on my driver’s side window, still barking maniacally, so my announcement was the equivalent of saying, “We’re on planet Earth right now.”

The couple didn’t speak English very well, but between my rusty Spanish and their English we managed to decide that it wasn’t safe for me to try to drive the dog to a shelter, especially not alone. Maybe, the man suggested, we could try to get the dog into his old dog’s crate?

Don’t, she’ll kill us all! I wanted to say, but I nodded as to not appear more crazy than I already did.

 The man disappeared into his garage, then came back a moment later holding a small tan crate.

“You open?” he said, nodding to the driver’s side door.

Carefully, so as to not provoke the beast, I opened the door while the man stood close by with his crate, but the second I had the door about four inches open, the dog flew out, landed perfectly on the ground, and ran at lightning-speed across the road, down half a block, and under the fence of what I hoped was her home.  

Fantasma,” the woman said, laughing. Ghost. Was it the dog’s name, or because the dog was so terrifying and had disappeared so suddenly?

I thanked the couple, got back in my car, and drove away. It had only been ten minutes start to finish, but it felt like a lifetime had passed. The way time moves when you see a ghost.

So let this be a lesson to you this DEVOLSON: sometimes, when you think that your day couldn’t possibly get any worse, a little tiny dog you're trying to rescue may try to eat your face off.

Love,


Teach


*I told this to my students later, one of whom lives in the neighborhood and was able to confirm this was, in fact, the dog's home home.

48 comments:

  1. DEVOLSON did start today for me too! How quickly it came, I forgot about it there for a minute during my beginning of the year honeymoon and there it was today, rearing its ugly head. I was like what's going on? Why is today so terrible? I better read some Love, Teach to cheer me up and help me feel some empathy! But of course the answer is DEVOLSON. Hope you find a great way to cope with this most treacherous time of year! Why must my first round of admin observations occur during this time!?

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  2. Thanks so much for your posts!!!They help me so much. This would be so me, I've tried several times to pick up dogs

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  4. So our county is out of school for a week from flooding from the HURRICIN'. Does this mean we vanquished DEVOLSON this year? Or does it mean that DEVOLSON has planted a poisonous seed that will sprout and kill us all over Spring Break?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! Exactly what I was thinking! We are FINALLY back in school, but the kids are still "out of whack", and so am I! I can't even think about Spring Break...

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    2. Ha! Exactly what I was thinking! We are FINALLY back in school, but the kids are still "out of whack", and so am I! I can't even think about Spring Break...

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  6. DEVOLSON?! Totally explains how I feel this week. I have a great class...but I am really needing a good solid weekend (with a few extra days attached to each end!). I'll keep in mind the "face eating dog" next time I am feeling like it's the worst day ever ;)

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  7. I also call this time of year the fall wall. As in, "I've hit the..." Or "It's like talking to a brick..."

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  8. I also call this time of year the fall wall. As in, "I've hit the..." Or "It's like talking to a brick..."

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  14. Ok, reminded me of Gremlins.

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  15. Hey Teach! I made a DEVOLSON video with my students to show at our teacher faculty meeting! I'd love to share it with you! Since I don't have releases for the students, it must be shared privately. Please email me at: khall@fisdk12.net :)

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  23. My ex-boyfriend is back after a breakup, I’m extremely happy that we are living together again. I' m Mary from England, My boyfriend of 4yr broke up with me and am 30 weeks pregnant. I have cried my self to sleep most of the nights and don’t seem to concentrate during lectures sometimes I stay awake almost all night thinking about him and start to cry all over again.Because of this I end up not having energy for my next day’s classes ,my attendance has dropped and am always in uni and on time. Generally he is a very nice guy ,he ended it because he said we were arguing a lot and not getting along.He is right we’ve been arguing during the pregnancy a lot .After the break up I kept ringing him and telling him I will change.I am in love with this guy and he is the best guy I have ever been with.I’m still hurt and in disbelief when he said he didn’t have any romantic feelings towards me anymore that hurt me faster than a lethal syringe.He texts me now and then mainly to check up on how am doing with the pregnancy,he is supportive with it but it’s not fair on me, him texting me as I just want to grieve the pain and not have any stress due to the pregnancy.i was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 28 hours later, my bf came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my bf are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Unity. If you have any problem contact Dr.Unity now and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact. Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 ,His website: http://unityspelltemple.yolasite.com .

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